1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Welp...herpes.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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