I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
