so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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