after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
