I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My feet surprised me
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