So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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