He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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