VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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