I've blown a few things in my day
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
