Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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