I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
