Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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