fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
