Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize