He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
