The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
