so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
