Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
