So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
