dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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