But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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