I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
