ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
