so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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