I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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