My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
