Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
