where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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