i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Your cock deserves a montage
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
