i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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