i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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