On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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