and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
