I hope mine doesn't look like that
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it glows. i had to have it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
