Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
