Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
