My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
