Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
