Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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