Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
