i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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