i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
