So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
