Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
