I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I think I just sharted jello shots
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
