Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize