I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wear drunk well.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
