Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Green mimosas i think yes
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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