You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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