My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
