and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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