Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
