My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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