I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
