we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
