we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
