and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
