he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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