The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
