there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
