it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
