I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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