Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
