His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
