Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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