Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
