you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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