Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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