I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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