So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
