wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize