maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
