The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
