im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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