I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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