Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
