i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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