Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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