no, he came in my armpit
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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