Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
